The trenches
Disgusting crawling gigantic rats,
feeding on dead human flesh they become fat,
standing for hours in the ice cold water,
gives a terrible case of extreme foot pruning which then leads to the dreaded trench foot,
constantly traipsing up and down,
the knee deep squelching mud swallows their boots.
would you like to live in the trenches?
I did not think so.
Graphic in the extreme Tali! I can just imagine it. Who is standing for hours - the rats? Think about your punctuation so that it is clear who gets the trench foot. What is the link between rats and trench foot - most of the poem is about feet apart from the first two lines. How can you "tighten it up?"
ReplyDelete