war poem
as i walk the screlching follows me
as i talk with jim
then gas! it chokes 1,2 or 3
as i stumble through the dim
everybody hates this war
but its got to be done
but its just a bore
we gotta do it to please our mums
the an explosion of red
burts our drums
i wish i was back in bed
i wish we were back, with our mums
BY OSCAR
Great rhyme and story, also not sure what screlching means o_O, dictionary doesn't show anything, if it's a non living object, good personification. I think you could improve by having for poetic features eg. similes, metaphors, personification, alliteration and I also suggest that you have more powerful language in some areas eg. beginning of line 2 and 3 in verse 2 and maybe have a different word for red eg. scarlet.
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