I saw it in the spagetti.
Tangled and twisted
Red on white.
The tanks are crawling
I saw it on the grass
A confusion of colors on the dying leaves
Red on brown.
the guns are talking
I saw it on line in the supermarket.
The hand of the checker so dispassionate
Red on red.
the smoke is flying.
It surrounds me like the crying babies at the mall
All dressed up to meet the man.
Click...it's over.
I don't understand why?
People are dying
the blades are crying.
If this is war
I want to go home.
I love the use of symbolic red and the repetition "i saw it" .
ReplyDeleteYou use a range of situations - spaghetti, grass, supermarket, Santa at the mall as a contrast to the war references every 4th line. The home/war contrast is effective,
your last two lines are also effective, however the combination may not gel - by referring to spaghetti and the mall the narrator sounds like he/she is already home and the images of war keep haunting him there. You may like to have a think about this if you choose to redraft this one.